Sad.

The ultimate solution is I have to give my dog away.

And once I realized that... I couldn't stop crying. Uncontrollable. I'm bawling uncontrollably now trying to fight back tears as I'm trying to write. I'm not even sure it's just about losing my dog anymore.

I don't know why I feel so upset about this. And all I could think to do was update twitter/facebook/blog/tumblr/friends... any outlet I had.

My landlord has this no pet policy... that isn't stated anywhere on any legal documents. How was I supposed to know then that I couldn't? He saw Ddochi... flipped out and sent a notice. We tried to reason with him but he said no. He didn't understand why we'd want to move over a new dog (not knowing we had it for over 5 months but we figured it was best not to piss him off and didn't tell him) So it's either move or give the dog away. Seeing as how we are dirt poor now moving (no matter how hard I tried to find a new place) is not a possible solution.

Amid the inability to find a good job and loss of motivation altogether... having a dog (my first) really cheered me up. And now the thought of having to give him up is like I having to tear an arm or a leg off. It sound like I'm exaggerating doesn't it?

I feel even more powerless and frustrated than before. Most of these problems are yeah... because of money. Isn't that stupid... my happiness indirectly comes down to that. If we had enough funds it wouldn't be that hard to move. But seeing as how we don't and obviously have none to hire some sort of lawyer (on top of that consider shitty landlord/tenant relations forever) to argue that fucking NO... it's not in the lease and how the hell are you going to say you want to try to kick us out over it?

I think it's "back to a therapist" time. Just when I thought hey... not having a whole mess of friends or a really awesome cool job is fine. I still have A job and just got a cool internship and still have a few friends who I can talk to and chill with. Life is getting better then... BAM-ola. Life really does seem to hate me and never wants me to stay happy right? But that's everybody I guess.

My mom thinks she found a church lady who wants my dog. But that just makes me more sad. All I have to do is let go and he's gone right? At least he has a good home right? Take solice in that right? That's some kind of bull shit. It still hurts. And I'm still sad. And I'm still crying.

So what now? Acquiess I guess. I was going to appeal to the landlord's sympathy but apparently the crochity old man doesn't have one.

Anyway. That's all.

Toodles.

Truth and Reconciliation Commission

NY TIMES Article [Sept 3, 2009]: Korea Investigates Atrocities in Race Against Time

MY BAD for turning my blog into a Korea rant blog. I think with my recent loss of Facebook I need to rant somewhere. I used to post the links for the Facebook world to see but... Just to myself only is fine too, I guess.

The Truth and Reconciliation Commission in ROK... they came to the Berkeley campus a while back. I even bought the commissioner's book.... LOL GOT HIM TO SIGN IT. -_- But in any case I agree that in order to move forward, we have to resolve the issues of the past. Acknowledgement. A Truth and Reconciliation Commission is not something new and unique to South Korea though. They exist elsewhere too. As they should. Of course the current SK president (Lee Myung Bak that bitchass haha) is going to get rid of the commission soon.

The commission in Korea mainly focuses on Japanese colonization and the Korean War. Massacres that were perpetrated by civilian groups, political groups, and of course governments (US, Japan, Korea alike). Everything is being brought to light and the remaining families' victims allowed to finally grieve. I agree that if you are to become a LEGITIMATE government (and not just the US's bitch) then you have to acknowledge wrong doings of the past. To me Japanese government is still a whole load of fail (uh SURE the government DIDN'T kidnap women in Asia and give them to their military to be raped. and SURE Japaneses colonization of Korea never happened. WHAT?!?!?)

Once again it is a problem of OWNING UP. Why is there a but to that??? Example below from the article.

And the revelation in 1999 that American forces had shot and killed unarmed civilians near the South Korean hamlet of No Gun Ri during the war inspired increasing numbers of South Koreans to come forward with tales of atrocities. (The Pentagon later acknowledged the deaths, but said they were a result of confusion and fear.)

Look at that last shit in parenthesis. Who the fuck do they think they're kidding? I leave everyone with two pictures. I remember them showing these during the presentation on campus. I felt near tears. A soldier who participated quoted in the article mentioned that it was wartime so "of course" there were no trials. OMFG... you don't go around massacring a bunch of unarmed civilians and give the excuse that it was technically okay because "it was wartime". The point of the commission is NOT to punish. It's to bring to LIGHT.

DISCLAIMER: It might be difficult to view these pictures. Sorry I didn't give a better warning. The first one is a little less difficult to view so don't continue to scroll down if you couldn't handle the first.

This picture was apparently dated 1950 and it is near DaeJon, South Korea.I feel like the picture is particularly haunting and disturbing... The man looking at the camera probably (not more than a couple of minutes or seconds after this photo was taken) joined the other dead bodies in that shallow grave. No one deserves to die this way. Not even criminals (which they did massacre this way during the war).





Taken 2005 at Oegong-ri. Yes. It is a mass grave that has been excavated. I just.... have nothing more to say and think I should not say more than I hope that the souls finally are able to rest in peace. And that the surviving family members also gained some sort of peace and can mourn properly.







I really don't know how anyone can say that this was right or okay because it was wartime. Massacres happen STILL and we need to realize that it's been happening... to prevent them from happening again whatever part of the world you're in.

Toodles.

R.I.P. Former President Kim Dae Jung.

They say when it rains it pours. He was old and passed from complications from pneumonia that he previously had this year. The fact that he died of natural causes doesn't change the fact that we lost two former Korean presidents this year... leaving us with the current president who just sucks ass.

Not to be superstitious or reading too much into this... but I really hope this isn't foreshadowing.

Rest in Peace former president Kim Dae Jung. Rest. I hope that we will be able to carry on with your work.

Peace and Reunification.

Toodles.

R.I.P. Former President Roh Moo Hyun

South Korean Ex-President Kills Himself (NY Times article)

This fell (and is still falling) on a lot of Koreans like a ton of bricks. Shock is a word that comes to mind most immediately. And even before THAT, the words that probably came and will come to most Koreans' lips (abroad and native) is "WTF".

President Roh Moo Hyun was on the considerable left compared to the other handful of presidents that Korea has had and probably will have for a while (unfortunately). He stood for "clean politics" as opposed to the uber corrupt nature of past presidents. He wanted to change how United State's bitch the S. Korean government operated. Despite his administration being considered really wishy washy and incompetent, I think there were good ideas and policies there.

And just look at him... He looks so friendly and nice. Heh. And as a self-made lawyer (and human rights one to boot), I see that as some credit to him.

RIP Mr. President. I'm sorry to see you leave the world in this way: scandal and suicide in hand. I know you had the bribery/corruption scandal (which is pennies compared to previous S. Korean presidents) but it really didn't have to end this way.

What a dramatic way to go though... jumping off a cliff.

Toodles.

PS. Another post about the "Suicide Nation" (a seriously disturbing continued trend in S. Korea) soon to follow.

The Doormat.

I think... I need to stop being a doormat. But beyond that I think I'm making excuses because in matters of the self I tend to become really passive (ie I can't make up my mind about what I want to eat or drink or do in general and I usually let slash MAKE others come up with a decision for me). I guess I am well aware that the only people who really read this blog are the people that I'm talking about in this post. Oh well.

Last Friday night I sat at home alone. All because I just waited around for someone to be considerate of me for a change. I got blown off by a total of three separate groups of people that night. Yes. THREE.

One: Clubbing. I was pretty sure that I was meant to be a ride ONLY. And THAT was their only incentive for inviting me. Once I said that I was already going to be in the city and that I'd join them by picking them up at a BART station and/or just driving them home... I no longer got responses. I'm sure they found their own comfy way to the club instead without me. Hope they had a whole bunch of drama-full fun. Thanks a lot biznatches.

Two: Maybe I didn't REALLY want to go clubbing anyway. Sure. That's okay. So I call up my high school friend because earlier in the day she suggested an invite to a group thing with her bf she was doing that night. At least I had something else to do on a Friday night. After a phone call, a few texts, and a hour and a half later she says she's hanging out with just the BF. UH.... thanks for letting me know sooner. She suggested that I could possibly hang out with the rest of that group. No thanks. Why would I hang out with a group of practical strangers? The only reason someone would do that is because at least one of them is a person they know well enough. Otherwise what's the point?

Three: So realizing that I had been blown off YET AGAIN, I resorted to... other Asian Drankin buddies. And? Even THEN I was blown off. Thanks a lot for NOT texting me back jerks. I think after they realized that I wasn't going to be their "designated driver" for the night, there was a "cease communication". Why waste all the sober brain cells trying to get in contact with yet another drinker when what they needed to find RIGHT NOW was a DD for their posse? I'm sure that in a few days I'll get some texts saying "We're so sorry... we were so drunk." Liars.

At this point I was just fed up and decided I was going to stay at home that night. But I was in a craptastic mood.

Well... I'm tired of always being the considerate one.

Eh who am I kidding. It's not like I can up and change my personality on a whim. So... I'm stuck with a whole bunch of mud and crap wiped on my face: the doormat.

The worst part is... I'm SUCH a doormat that none of you guys had a clue. And that's my fault.

Toodles.

C-fiber Firing?

I'm slowly starting to get into a funk.
What the fuck am I doing with my life.

Why the HELL am I wasting it here in front of a computer.
Killing time at a temp job I just want to walk out of.
I've done my part.
I've paid my dues.

"엄마 친구 아들" It means mom's friend's son.
I like to one up people. Yeah I admit it. I'm prideful.
I want to do something impressive. Great.
But most importantly... Better than you.

I feel like I'm drowning in a 12 inch kiddie pool.

Always a stagnant pond.
I haven't felt roaring rapids since high school.
Where is my life headed?

Am I so jaded that I've lost passion?

I'm alive?

Toodles.

PS. Ouch.
PPS. Pat yourself on the back if you know what the title is referring to without googleing it.
PPPS. I'm so sorry. Way emo. I wasn't trying to write some sort of poem. I just like to hit ENTER a lot.